Back to the grind.

June 24th I returned to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave. One thing I can say for sure is that I feel a hell of a lot older than I did when I left for maternity leave. My feet are sore and my knees hurt and I am hitting the sack by 8:00 as often as possible. My body feels like it aged 5 years after giving birth! Despite the physical ailments though, I must say it is nice to be around other adults for at least a certain portion of the day. I certainly learned to appreciate conversation with friends while I was here at the house. Luckily I had a fairly straightforward and manageable week at work and lots of support from my coworkers. Here's hoping next week just gets better!!

Glamour Mom

I knew when I had Lillian that there would be a lot of work involved. I knew she would wake up at night and that she would require a lot of attention. I had been told that my life would never be the same and I was aware of the truth related to this statement. However, one thing can be said that should be taken into consideration. Thinking that you know and actually experiencing are two entirely different things.
Actually experiencing functioning off of four hours of sleep on a consistent basis, or being puked on, or constantly washing bottles (and I mean constantly. The bottle washing never ends), or looking at the stretch marks on your stomach and knowing they will never go away, these things are quite different when they are lived than when they are told. I find myself wondering how am I to feel glamorous or attractive when somehow I've turned into the mommy machine. I find myself with my hair piled on top of my head in a ponytail with no makeup on and my sink full of bottles and my laundry room buried in towels, burp cloths, and baby outfits that have been spit up on them.
We've all seen the designer moms on tv that have the perfect bodies two weeks after delivering their babies, and they somehow never seem to have spit up on them, and they most certainly aren't wearing their hair in ponytails and going without makeup. These women seem to morph into hotter versions of themselves after having children. All I have to say is it must take a village.
I guess I'm not the glamour mom I had hoped I would become after having my daughter, but another thing that is entirely different when it is lived than when its told is experiencing the joy that she brings to my life. I don't always get to get a shower when I want one and I'll probably have an audience in the bathroom for the next couple of years. I'll probably never get rid of these stretch marks or ever have a flat belly ever again, but when I hold my daughter in my arms and feel her snuggle up to me I know that it's all ok. I'm special to her and that's by far a more rewarding feeling than any I've ever felt. So I can go to sleep at night and rest easily knowing that I've been blessed enough to be married to a wonderful man that somehow sees past my mommy machine persona to the woman he married, I have a daughter that thinks I'm the best ever, I've got two loyal pets that will protect me from anything, and my family is always there for me. Let them have the designer clothes and super nannies. I'll take my lot anyday.

Change

So I was thinking last night about the fact that I'm blogging again after three years and I started to think of how much my life has changed after three years. It's mind boggling to think about how many major life events that have occurred in those three years. As I reflected on all the things that have occurred I thought I would use this blog as a forum to share how much my life has changed. Feel free to comment on how your lives have changed over 3 years, or add to my list if you remember something I forgot!

• Tough time to reflect on but first miscarriage June 1, 2006
• Second miscarriage July 27, 2006. Day before my birthday.
• Got back in touch with my sister Shannon and my brother Philip from Texas. First time in twenty years. WOW! November 2006
• Traveled to Wichita Falls, TX to meet my sister in law Marisa who was pregnant with my nephew Conrad Wilson at the time, also met my beautiful nieces Whitney, Yannah and Grace. This was my first opportunity to travel where they lived and see their homes and meet their families. What a way to start the new year! January 1, 2007
• We purchased our first home January 25, 2007
• Nephew Conrad Wilson Pennington was born April 3, 2007.
• Took a position in the Blair E. Batson Pediatric Operating Room in May 2007 - first time as a nurse I had ever had a position with a fairly normal schedule.
• I bought a 2003 Honda CRV July 2007 - a really big deal for me because I spent more than 3000 on a car, which I had never done before, and I also for the first time in my life bought exactly what I wanted.
• Went to Disneyland July 2007 - my first time to a Disney park ever, another really big event for me.
• Traveled to Los Angeles, Aneheim, and San Diego California July 2007 - another big deal, I had never been to the West Coast before.
• New addition to the family, Little Bit, our Pembroke Welsh Corgi came to live with us. November 2007
• Third miscarriage December 2007
• Mary Lewis (My Grandmother) passed away January 2008
• Jamie left Horne LLP after 7 years as an employee to go work for a small local company as a network engineer. During his time there he went from intern to help desk, help desk to senior help desk, senior help desk to network administrator. At the time he left he had been the longest standing network admin during the time he had been there at 2+ years. He also gained more certifications during those 7 years than any of his coworkers. (3 Dell certifications, 2 Microsoft certifications, 1 Cisco certification) July 2008.
• Discovered we were pregnant for the fourth time. August 2008
• James Alston Pepper (Jamie's Grandfather) passed away September 2008
• Jamie left the small local company to go work for Venture technology as a network engineer. Hallelujah!!! (during the time Jamie was working for the small local company he was in Monroe, LA about 90% of the time. Really tough during first trimester of our pregnancy. I was ecstatic when he got hired at Venture and got to move home.) September 2008
• Took a position in the Emergency Department at River Oaks Hospital October 2008
• Niece Rowen Helena Heacock was born October 2008
• We found out that we were having a little girl!!! October 16, 2008
• Returned to the Batson Operating Room as Pediatric ENT Coordinator March 2009 - after a brief stint in the ER at River Oaks (what some would call a leave of absence of my senses) I was thrilled to go back to pediatrics and the OR. Rough time transitioning during the third trimester of my pregnancy, but lots of lessons learned here.
• A miracle occurred. Lillian Claire Pepper was born April 8, 2009
• Celebrated our 5 year anniversary May 22, 2009. Lucky me to be married to my best friend.

So I've had a weird desire to start blogging again after all this time. It's rather disheartening to see that it's been three (yes I did say three) years since I've blogged. Guess I'm gonna have to really crack down. However considering I've still got 3 weeks of maternity leave left I'm thinking I'll have the opportunity to get back in the swing of things. So here's to starting over! Let the blogging begin!

thought for the day

"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world."
— Sheila Graham

Thought for the Day...

"When you acknowledge your romantic impulses, no matter how impractical, you strengthen the intimate connection with your authentic self. Connection with those things that fuel your passions, feed your soul, keep you alive."
— Sarah Ban Breathnach

This makes me think of the phrase "carpe diem", but rather than sieze the day it is sieze the moment. There have been many moments where I have, perhaps attempting to be appropriate or politically correct, held back my feelings or the way I would have expressed myself, not only with my significant other but also with family and friends. How different would our friendships and families be if we told our family that we cared about them. If we reacted on impulse and hugged them. It seems so inappropriate to touch or hug or tell someone that you're not romantically involved with that you love them. This may not be what the author was intending with her statement, but this is what it made me think about. Just food for thought.....

my french name is .....

Your French Name is:

Geneva Boileau

What's" Your French Name?

personality test

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest: You energize yourself and push others to suceed. At Your Lowest: You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed. In Love: You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet. How You're Attractive: Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you. Your Eternal Question: "What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's" Your Power Color?

pantyhose are the devil

Just FYI I think that satan invented pantyhose. Why else would anyone squeeze themselves into a spandex sausage casing and force themselves to endure many hours of pulling up, suffocating, and walking on eggshells to avoid runs. Ugh. I hate pantyhose. Long live the leg!!!!

Painting Flower Pots con't

I have made a discovery. Some of you will remember my earlier post about frustration with an art project gone bad and my dissapointment with my painted flower pots. Well today my sister came over and we sat and visited and listened to music and brought some new life into those flower pots that I had somehow ruined with a brush and some paint. As I was sitting there and painting those flower pots I remembered my earlier aggravation and the post I made on here about how I wasn't artistic,yadayadayada... However now I realize. It's not about how beautiful or ugly your flower pots are, it's the thought and time that goes into them. It's enjoying the process and the people you're with. Much like life. Yours may not be as attractive or stylish as someone elses but it's about enjoying it and the people around you. So I am going to proudly display my painted flower pots on my porch for all to see, and I will enjoy my ordinary life however glamorous or unglamorous it may be, and I will love those around me that make my life so rich and full.

Ordinary week

This has been a rather ordinary week so far, and I must say I am enjoying a little sense of normalcy in my life. I have been able to cook dinner, clean my house, spend time with my husband and sister, and enjoy a little bit of relaxation. I love this time of year when the weather starts to cool off a little bit and it's somewhat comfortable to be outside. Football starts up and you've got the fair coming to town. Halloween upcoming and then thanksgiving. I love this time of year so much. This is a time of year that I'm enjoying thouroughly. It's these ordinary times that I love so much that remind me of what I'm thankful for. Family, friends, food, beautiful outdoors, and just being with those that I love.

Chaos

Well it seems that another monster hurricane is barreling its way to the gulf coast once again, just 3 short weeks after Hurricane Katrina hit. It is almost unfathomable to me the thought of another hurricane with similar intensity hitting again this season. How cruel is it to have people go through 2 of those storms in a short period of time. Perhaps it is my twisted perspective but it seems to me that more bad stuff is happening lately. There's the war in Iraq, talks of North Korea not wanting to give up their nuclear power, the tsunami was last year and it devestated several countries, and now we've had several particularly bad hurricanes lately, most recent being the famous Katrina. So many lives lost, so many people whose homes, lives, jobs, etc. were destroyed, and so much chaos. With all of this discord, increasing violence, it's rather disheartening just watching the news. Perhaps it's just that we have more technology now and we know about things on a worldwide basis. One hundred and fifty years ago we wouldn't have been able to turn on the TV and watch the news about the tsunami overseas, and we certainly wouldn't have been so aware of what was going on in the wars overseas. Volunteer efforts wouldn't be able to be so widely spread and we wouldn't be as knowledgeable about the crime rates, or about the chaos in other places. Is ignorance really bliss? I don't know. I wonder if the world has changed so much that it has become a worse place or if we just simply know too much these days. I just know that for my sanity I have to turn off the tv, go visit my friends and family, remember why I started my job in the first place, and do things that I enjoy so that I can focus on the positive. No matter how bad things are, someone has to have them worse than you.

Grad School, maybe???

Just when you think you have had enough...you go back for more. Yup, you got it, Jamie and I are thinking about going back for grad school next fall. I've done my homework, found out the requirements (which surprisingly we both excede) and I am actively working to be admitted to an online nurse practioner program next fall. So now the search begins for financial aid, etc... Jamie, lucky dog, actually has a coworker who is interested in going to school with him so they can work together on their masters work. For those of you who know my husband I'm sure you can understand me when I say, who would have thought Jamie might actually go to grad school!!!! I'm so proud of him!! Just for expressing an interest and actively trying to improve his education!! Jamie was so bored in undergrad because he knew so much of the material that he was really not challenged in a lot of his classes. I believe though that this will be different. To me, grad school is nothing like undergrad. You're studying in your area of interest, you only have 2 years to complete instead of 4, the course loads are much lighter, and you have people of similar interests in your classes. So I'm kind of excited about it. Of course we have to be accepted, get financial aid, etc... but we're actively looking now so I'm encouraged. Wish me luck!!!

Loss and Love

It seems that when it rains it pours in life. Just when you think that things are bad, they get worse. I got a call at work today and it was my husband telling me that his grandmother had passed away. This horrible loss is not fully understood unless you knew the relationship these two had. Jamie's grandmother was in every way shape and form, except for biological, a mother to him. She raised him, fed him, taught him how to tie his shoes, started him off in school, bought him his first car, and encouraged him throughout his childhood. A constant pillar of strength for him, she held his family together. This woman survived through losing her first husband to World War II and then as a single mother she worked for the railroad providing for her son, until she met Jamie's grandfather, from whom he's named, James Alston Pepper. They were wed after the war and they had one son, Jamie's father, and then when Jamie was born she raised him as well. Always full of life and energy she brought an element to the family, which is still felt today. Her great life I will always respect and honor for she is greatly responsible for the man my husband is today. I know if she could see him now she would be so proud to say "that's my baby, my grandson".
Somehow I hope to learn from these life lessons that I go through each day to appreciate and love those around me. We are not promised tomorrow and it's so vital to let people know that you care.

Irate and probably out of line, but unable to refrain from commenting

http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=200558

I have to say that as I surfed the web today, I found myself rather angry at this article. I am infuriated to read about how the "jazz landmarks" are gone in New Orleans but no mention is made of the people who have suffered, died, and are still struggling as a result of this hurricane. I'm not sure how others feel about this but it angers me to see so many people focused on New Orleans and Mississippi is overlooked. I realize that New Orleans was a big city, many people visited there, and there was much history in that one city. However, there were many cities that were destroyed by this storm, many still feeling the hurt of the storm that wiped away everything they had from their homes, jobs, and all of their belongings. There are entire cities that simply aren't there in the coastal region of Mississippi. How spoiled a country are we that we will moan and complain about the jazz landmarks that are gone, but we are not concerned about the people that have DIED from this storm. Casually they toss out the fact that corpses float in the water but the facts are that those corpses are someone wife, mother, husband, child....How jaded are we that we see this loss and worry about the JAZZ LANDMARKS!!!

Surviving The Wrath

On August 29, 2005 Hurricane Katrina, a category 5 storm, made landfall and changed life for all residents of Louisiana and Mississippi for years to come. The entire coastal region of Mississippi has been wiped away, like a floor swept with a broom. New Orleans as we once knew it is now under anywhere from 8-20 feet of water. Bedlam has been unleashed in these cities with people desperate to be rescued fighting for their lives. Looting, murders, rapes, all rampant among the desperate survivors who fight tooth and nail to survive. Gas has become a rare comodity, electricity and water a priviledge for only the very lucky, and family you thank God to have by your side. In one day my entire reality has changed to a world that I am scared to go out into. Somewhere in all this madness I am fighting to find some sanity. A glimpse of light out there in all of this hopelessness. My belief though is that the glimpse of light is us, the people who care. Those who will reach out and help someone, anyone, who has less than them can be that light in the darkness for someone else. My challenge to all who read this is to be that light. Help someone. Even if you think that you have nothing you can help someone. The people who reach out and make the difference are what will help us rebuild the cities that have been destroyed.

You're going to do what???????

http://www.medpagetoday.com/ProductAlert/DevicesandVaccines/tb/1618

It seems that medicine has come a long way but still, mother nature sometimes has the best cures :) So what would you think about this kind of treatment?

There she blows!!!!!

Party at my house!!!!! I'm holing up waiting on Katrina to blow on through Jackson. I am thanking the good Lord right now that I don't have to be at work till Wednesday. Whew! Some of my friends are gonna come over and it's cards and homeade cookies for all who come! Here's hoping we all come out in one piece!

NRP

Well today it was made official that it is ok with the American Acadamey of Pediatrics if I have to perform life saving maneuvers on a neonate. I sat through a series of 7 tests, and 2 return demonstration check offs in order to prove that I was capable of handling any situation presented to me in the NICU or L&D setting where an infant is unable to breathe or their heart stops beating. Wow! It sounds so very professional to have this certification, but what it really means is that when the @#$% hits the fan they're going to turn to me and say, hey what do I do now?, and I have to know what to do. I will be officially out of orientation (meaning I will be caring for patients completely all by myself, with no help) in the middle of September, and I must say it scares me to death. To think that I will be responsible for these little lives, and I must know how to care for them and how to teach the families how to care for them is a rather daunting thought. I know that this is what I have worked for so long, but to actually have that responsibility placed upon me and to feel the weight of it is quite different from taking tests and performing skills in clinicals. I find myself thinking of the serenity prayer as I take on each new assignment and meet each new day.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with
Him Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr