Southern Belle Pepper

When I reflect on my childhood growing up in the south, one of the things I remember is wanting to move to the big ole city and get out of the south. My sister and I would play pretend, and we would be high society city girls living in apartments downtown. We would imagine we were corporate giants who drove fast cars and lived glamorous lives with tall dark and handsome men. As I grew older and graduated high school the urge to spread my wings grew stronger and I moved out shortly after beginning college and discovered a few things they don't tell you when you play pretend. During my time here in "Bahston" I have reflected on life lessons learned and how different things are when you get out in the "bright lights, big city". Feel free to chime in on any discoveries of your own.

First and foremost, big city apartments cost money. A lot of money. No problem right? Get that big paying job at that fabulous corporate mass money maker! NOT!! Then I discovered that the big corporate job is not nearly all it's cracked up to be. In order to get to a higher level position where you're not a peon pushing paper you have to have a college education, AND (and this is the thing I struggled with the most) you kind of have to suck up to some not nice people. Well, I was working on the college thing. Three part time jobs, full time school, hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. The thing I figured out real quick though was that the corporate schmorparate mess just really wasn't my thing. I simply wasn't happy. I didn't like working in an office! Well that threw a kink in my plans. I would eventually find that the thing that made me happiest went right back to my good ole southern roots, helping people out. For as long as I can remember my mom and dad have been helping people out in one way or another and people have been helping them out. In the words of Merlin the magician "that's what makes the world go round". Over and over again I found that was what made my world go round. Fortunately I could do that and pay that big city apartment rent, but after a while I found myself wanting to get out of the city and get a house. I had discovered during all of my lessons life teaches you that the tall dark and handsome men that lead glamorous lives often aren't what they are cracked up to be and the kind, loving guy next door can sweep you off your feet and make you wonder why you ever wanted that hot shot in the first place.

Now I live in a little house in the suburbs, not a big city condo, I work in a hospital helping other people, I'm married to the nice guy, and I couldn't be happier. I find myself falling in love with the south all over again and I've discovered that sometimes the best thing in the world is what we had in the first place and the grass is truly no greener on the other side. Surrounding yourself with family and friends and helping others out has become the legacy I would like to leave to my daughter with hopes that it would bring her happiness as it has me.

Boston is such a beautiful city with beautiful architecture and history, but when I see the willow trees in the park my heart longs for southern soil. The boston cream pie is divine, and the "chowdah" is truly wonderful, but after three days of boston fare my cravings lean more towards greens and cornbread or at least a giant glass of southern iced tea. I have seen such beautiful sites and enjoyed some wonderful people here but the thing that has stood out to me the most is that somewhere in this thing called life when I was running so hard to get away from the south I stopped running and my feet dug themselves in deep. Roots set down and grew themselves in far and wide and I never saw it happening. Now in another state on the east coast I am reminded again how much I love my home and the life that God somehow guided me to despite my insistent plans. Somehow he knew what I needed best and through everything he brought me right where I needed to be.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Tomorrow is a big step for me. I will be leaving my daughter for the first time since she was born for more than a night. I know right? I sound like a sap. Poor thing can't leave her baby, but you know what? I kinda like her. She's sweet, she makes me laugh, and there is nothing better than her smile and laugh. Everyone needs a Lillian in their life to make them feel better, and I have got to feel like the luckiest person in the world to have her!

About a year ago I took the position of being Pediatric ENT Coordinator for the Batson OR. It's been a fun ride and I have learned so much since I started working with this service. This year things worked out that the ENT Department was able to invite some staff to the SOHN Conference in Boston, MA (SOHN is Society of Otorhinolaryngology Head and Neck..see now you know why they say SOHN, I'm not even sure if I spelled it right). I'm super stoked to be included because I haven't been to a national conference and I've never been to Boston, but boy is this going to be tough leaving the little pepper.

So off I'll go, for four nights and five days (Yikes!!!). My mom is helping out and I know Jamie can handle it but keep me in your thoughts and prayers! I'm sure it will be harder on me than her but still...

Learnng to Trust

In my life I have been all over the board as far as my faith and my beliefs are concerned, but as I get older I find my faith solidifying to more of a solid tangible thing that I can grab on to and hold fast. I have become more comfortable in what I believe is true and real and I have accepted that different doesn't mean wrong, it's just different.

This past week has been a tough one for me because in many ways I've given all I can and am having to trust that since I've given all I've got that God will pick up and take it the rest of the way. It's funny to say that because a couple of years ago I don't know that I would have been able to say that I "trust" that God will take it the rest of the way but I was reminded again today of why my faith has grown to the point it has while I visited with my in laws. We were sitting on the couch talking about the "air issues" we've been having lately and as we were talking we reflected back on some of the things we went through when we were in college and just getting started as a couple. Jamie and I lived in family housing on campus during the first year of our marriage. When we moved into our apartment we had a couch, a bed, some pots and pans, and a tv from Jamie's dorm room. We lived in a 400 sq foot apartment and were both in school full time while working. I can remember working so hard to get through school and to pass boards and how excited we were in that little bitty apartment. Even then God watched out for us and guided us to the next step. Then when we returned to Jackson and started our lives here, from job to job, miscarriages, and other life hurdles somehow God has had his hand in there guiding us to where we need to be. As I sit and look at my family today and the love that is there between us, as I hold my daughter (our personal gift from God), as I talk to Jamie's mother (yet another gift brought back to our life), and as I cherish my parents in their new role as grandparents (the best nana and poppy in the world) I know that God will take care of the rest. I don't know how. We can' understand how he works. Somehow though, it will happen. Step by step, day by day I am learning to trust. Learning that though things may not go my way and certainly may not happen on my timeline, God is in control and in that I can rest.

Roasted Peppers

Well it's hot and steamy here at the Pepper household! I'm not sure why this is but it seems just when I think I'm starting to get my little ducks in a row something comes along and just mixes them all up again. Case in point. Mr Pepper and I have been avidly trying to keep our finances in check as of late and do all the things that good frugal people do, such as eating at home, not splurging on big expences, paying more than the minimum on credit cards, etc. only for my mother to call me today and inform me that it is 85 degrees in my house and climbing. Yup, you got it, my air was officially on the fritz. Now why oh why when I'm trying to be smart about money do things like this have to happen? I was just starting to get excited about the fact that we were making some headway and this mean old bully came and stomped on my sandcastle. Now we've got to fork out an obscene amount of money to replace the WHOLE UNIT. Can I just tell you, we do not have obscene amounts of money just hiding around our place? The Pepper Patch is a humble abode and while we make ends meet we don't stash loads of cash in the attic (although after this something that costs loads of cash will be in the attic so I guess that could change things, huh?), so this was not good news for us. Fortunately one of my ever so wonderful and helpful coworkers got us in touch with a nice company in Brandon that has put in a temp unit until we can order one and they are working with us on the cost. So we're slowly cooling down here in the Pepper house and hopefully when we go to bed we'll be at more of a simmer than a boil. Guess it'll all work out in the end, but if you see me working the corner this weekend, know it's for a good cause. I gotta pay for the air conditioning!!!!

Turning over a new leaf......again

So I'm blogging.......again. LOL. It seems that what works for me is to blog a few times and then wait about nine months and do it again. However I feel like starting up again and giving it a good hearted effort so why not. Isn't that what life is about, constantly trying to improve and do better? If at first you don't succeed, try try again. So here's for starting over.

Back to the grind.

June 24th I returned to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave. One thing I can say for sure is that I feel a hell of a lot older than I did when I left for maternity leave. My feet are sore and my knees hurt and I am hitting the sack by 8:00 as often as possible. My body feels like it aged 5 years after giving birth! Despite the physical ailments though, I must say it is nice to be around other adults for at least a certain portion of the day. I certainly learned to appreciate conversation with friends while I was here at the house. Luckily I had a fairly straightforward and manageable week at work and lots of support from my coworkers. Here's hoping next week just gets better!!

Glamour Mom

I knew when I had Lillian that there would be a lot of work involved. I knew she would wake up at night and that she would require a lot of attention. I had been told that my life would never be the same and I was aware of the truth related to this statement. However, one thing can be said that should be taken into consideration. Thinking that you know and actually experiencing are two entirely different things.
Actually experiencing functioning off of four hours of sleep on a consistent basis, or being puked on, or constantly washing bottles (and I mean constantly. The bottle washing never ends), or looking at the stretch marks on your stomach and knowing they will never go away, these things are quite different when they are lived than when they are told. I find myself wondering how am I to feel glamorous or attractive when somehow I've turned into the mommy machine. I find myself with my hair piled on top of my head in a ponytail with no makeup on and my sink full of bottles and my laundry room buried in towels, burp cloths, and baby outfits that have been spit up on them.
We've all seen the designer moms on tv that have the perfect bodies two weeks after delivering their babies, and they somehow never seem to have spit up on them, and they most certainly aren't wearing their hair in ponytails and going without makeup. These women seem to morph into hotter versions of themselves after having children. All I have to say is it must take a village.
I guess I'm not the glamour mom I had hoped I would become after having my daughter, but another thing that is entirely different when it is lived than when its told is experiencing the joy that she brings to my life. I don't always get to get a shower when I want one and I'll probably have an audience in the bathroom for the next couple of years. I'll probably never get rid of these stretch marks or ever have a flat belly ever again, but when I hold my daughter in my arms and feel her snuggle up to me I know that it's all ok. I'm special to her and that's by far a more rewarding feeling than any I've ever felt. So I can go to sleep at night and rest easily knowing that I've been blessed enough to be married to a wonderful man that somehow sees past my mommy machine persona to the woman he married, I have a daughter that thinks I'm the best ever, I've got two loyal pets that will protect me from anything, and my family is always there for me. Let them have the designer clothes and super nannies. I'll take my lot anyday.

Change

So I was thinking last night about the fact that I'm blogging again after three years and I started to think of how much my life has changed after three years. It's mind boggling to think about how many major life events that have occurred in those three years. As I reflected on all the things that have occurred I thought I would use this blog as a forum to share how much my life has changed. Feel free to comment on how your lives have changed over 3 years, or add to my list if you remember something I forgot!

• Tough time to reflect on but first miscarriage June 1, 2006
• Second miscarriage July 27, 2006. Day before my birthday.
• Got back in touch with my sister Shannon and my brother Philip from Texas. First time in twenty years. WOW! November 2006
• Traveled to Wichita Falls, TX to meet my sister in law Marisa who was pregnant with my nephew Conrad Wilson at the time, also met my beautiful nieces Whitney, Yannah and Grace. This was my first opportunity to travel where they lived and see their homes and meet their families. What a way to start the new year! January 1, 2007
• We purchased our first home January 25, 2007
• Nephew Conrad Wilson Pennington was born April 3, 2007.
• Took a position in the Blair E. Batson Pediatric Operating Room in May 2007 - first time as a nurse I had ever had a position with a fairly normal schedule.
• I bought a 2003 Honda CRV July 2007 - a really big deal for me because I spent more than 3000 on a car, which I had never done before, and I also for the first time in my life bought exactly what I wanted.
• Went to Disneyland July 2007 - my first time to a Disney park ever, another really big event for me.
• Traveled to Los Angeles, Aneheim, and San Diego California July 2007 - another big deal, I had never been to the West Coast before.
• New addition to the family, Little Bit, our Pembroke Welsh Corgi came to live with us. November 2007
• Third miscarriage December 2007
• Mary Lewis (My Grandmother) passed away January 2008
• Jamie left Horne LLP after 7 years as an employee to go work for a small local company as a network engineer. During his time there he went from intern to help desk, help desk to senior help desk, senior help desk to network administrator. At the time he left he had been the longest standing network admin during the time he had been there at 2+ years. He also gained more certifications during those 7 years than any of his coworkers. (3 Dell certifications, 2 Microsoft certifications, 1 Cisco certification) July 2008.
• Discovered we were pregnant for the fourth time. August 2008
• James Alston Pepper (Jamie's Grandfather) passed away September 2008
• Jamie left the small local company to go work for Venture technology as a network engineer. Hallelujah!!! (during the time Jamie was working for the small local company he was in Monroe, LA about 90% of the time. Really tough during first trimester of our pregnancy. I was ecstatic when he got hired at Venture and got to move home.) September 2008
• Took a position in the Emergency Department at River Oaks Hospital October 2008
• Niece Rowen Helena Heacock was born October 2008
• We found out that we were having a little girl!!! October 16, 2008
• Returned to the Batson Operating Room as Pediatric ENT Coordinator March 2009 - after a brief stint in the ER at River Oaks (what some would call a leave of absence of my senses) I was thrilled to go back to pediatrics and the OR. Rough time transitioning during the third trimester of my pregnancy, but lots of lessons learned here.
• A miracle occurred. Lillian Claire Pepper was born April 8, 2009
• Celebrated our 5 year anniversary May 22, 2009. Lucky me to be married to my best friend.

So I've had a weird desire to start blogging again after all this time. It's rather disheartening to see that it's been three (yes I did say three) years since I've blogged. Guess I'm gonna have to really crack down. However considering I've still got 3 weeks of maternity leave left I'm thinking I'll have the opportunity to get back in the swing of things. So here's to starting over! Let the blogging begin!

thought for the day

"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world."
— Sheila Graham

Thought for the Day...

"When you acknowledge your romantic impulses, no matter how impractical, you strengthen the intimate connection with your authentic self. Connection with those things that fuel your passions, feed your soul, keep you alive."
— Sarah Ban Breathnach

This makes me think of the phrase "carpe diem", but rather than sieze the day it is sieze the moment. There have been many moments where I have, perhaps attempting to be appropriate or politically correct, held back my feelings or the way I would have expressed myself, not only with my significant other but also with family and friends. How different would our friendships and families be if we told our family that we cared about them. If we reacted on impulse and hugged them. It seems so inappropriate to touch or hug or tell someone that you're not romantically involved with that you love them. This may not be what the author was intending with her statement, but this is what it made me think about. Just food for thought.....

my french name is .....

Your French Name is:

Geneva Boileau

What's" Your French Name?

personality test

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest: You energize yourself and push others to suceed. At Your Lowest: You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed. In Love: You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet. How You're Attractive: Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you. Your Eternal Question: "What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's" Your Power Color?

pantyhose are the devil

Just FYI I think that satan invented pantyhose. Why else would anyone squeeze themselves into a spandex sausage casing and force themselves to endure many hours of pulling up, suffocating, and walking on eggshells to avoid runs. Ugh. I hate pantyhose. Long live the leg!!!!

Painting Flower Pots con't

I have made a discovery. Some of you will remember my earlier post about frustration with an art project gone bad and my dissapointment with my painted flower pots. Well today my sister came over and we sat and visited and listened to music and brought some new life into those flower pots that I had somehow ruined with a brush and some paint. As I was sitting there and painting those flower pots I remembered my earlier aggravation and the post I made on here about how I wasn't artistic,yadayadayada... However now I realize. It's not about how beautiful or ugly your flower pots are, it's the thought and time that goes into them. It's enjoying the process and the people you're with. Much like life. Yours may not be as attractive or stylish as someone elses but it's about enjoying it and the people around you. So I am going to proudly display my painted flower pots on my porch for all to see, and I will enjoy my ordinary life however glamorous or unglamorous it may be, and I will love those around me that make my life so rich and full.

Ordinary week

This has been a rather ordinary week so far, and I must say I am enjoying a little sense of normalcy in my life. I have been able to cook dinner, clean my house, spend time with my husband and sister, and enjoy a little bit of relaxation. I love this time of year when the weather starts to cool off a little bit and it's somewhat comfortable to be outside. Football starts up and you've got the fair coming to town. Halloween upcoming and then thanksgiving. I love this time of year so much. This is a time of year that I'm enjoying thouroughly. It's these ordinary times that I love so much that remind me of what I'm thankful for. Family, friends, food, beautiful outdoors, and just being with those that I love.

Chaos

Well it seems that another monster hurricane is barreling its way to the gulf coast once again, just 3 short weeks after Hurricane Katrina hit. It is almost unfathomable to me the thought of another hurricane with similar intensity hitting again this season. How cruel is it to have people go through 2 of those storms in a short period of time. Perhaps it is my twisted perspective but it seems to me that more bad stuff is happening lately. There's the war in Iraq, talks of North Korea not wanting to give up their nuclear power, the tsunami was last year and it devestated several countries, and now we've had several particularly bad hurricanes lately, most recent being the famous Katrina. So many lives lost, so many people whose homes, lives, jobs, etc. were destroyed, and so much chaos. With all of this discord, increasing violence, it's rather disheartening just watching the news. Perhaps it's just that we have more technology now and we know about things on a worldwide basis. One hundred and fifty years ago we wouldn't have been able to turn on the TV and watch the news about the tsunami overseas, and we certainly wouldn't have been so aware of what was going on in the wars overseas. Volunteer efforts wouldn't be able to be so widely spread and we wouldn't be as knowledgeable about the crime rates, or about the chaos in other places. Is ignorance really bliss? I don't know. I wonder if the world has changed so much that it has become a worse place or if we just simply know too much these days. I just know that for my sanity I have to turn off the tv, go visit my friends and family, remember why I started my job in the first place, and do things that I enjoy so that I can focus on the positive. No matter how bad things are, someone has to have them worse than you.

Grad School, maybe???

Just when you think you have had enough...you go back for more. Yup, you got it, Jamie and I are thinking about going back for grad school next fall. I've done my homework, found out the requirements (which surprisingly we both excede) and I am actively working to be admitted to an online nurse practioner program next fall. So now the search begins for financial aid, etc... Jamie, lucky dog, actually has a coworker who is interested in going to school with him so they can work together on their masters work. For those of you who know my husband I'm sure you can understand me when I say, who would have thought Jamie might actually go to grad school!!!! I'm so proud of him!! Just for expressing an interest and actively trying to improve his education!! Jamie was so bored in undergrad because he knew so much of the material that he was really not challenged in a lot of his classes. I believe though that this will be different. To me, grad school is nothing like undergrad. You're studying in your area of interest, you only have 2 years to complete instead of 4, the course loads are much lighter, and you have people of similar interests in your classes. So I'm kind of excited about it. Of course we have to be accepted, get financial aid, etc... but we're actively looking now so I'm encouraged. Wish me luck!!!

Loss and Love

It seems that when it rains it pours in life. Just when you think that things are bad, they get worse. I got a call at work today and it was my husband telling me that his grandmother had passed away. This horrible loss is not fully understood unless you knew the relationship these two had. Jamie's grandmother was in every way shape and form, except for biological, a mother to him. She raised him, fed him, taught him how to tie his shoes, started him off in school, bought him his first car, and encouraged him throughout his childhood. A constant pillar of strength for him, she held his family together. This woman survived through losing her first husband to World War II and then as a single mother she worked for the railroad providing for her son, until she met Jamie's grandfather, from whom he's named, James Alston Pepper. They were wed after the war and they had one son, Jamie's father, and then when Jamie was born she raised him as well. Always full of life and energy she brought an element to the family, which is still felt today. Her great life I will always respect and honor for she is greatly responsible for the man my husband is today. I know if she could see him now she would be so proud to say "that's my baby, my grandson".
Somehow I hope to learn from these life lessons that I go through each day to appreciate and love those around me. We are not promised tomorrow and it's so vital to let people know that you care.